NOTE: Today’s post is a GUEST POST from Caroline Dooner, the creator of The Fuck It Diet! Give it a read and then check out her free 10-day mini-course or her 6-Month Life Recovery Program!
I remember years ago while I was in the middle of shaving my legs, I was also stressing over food. Thinking about how much I ate. Thinking about how much I binged. Also thinking about how much I was thinking about food. Ughhhhh, what do I need to do to become healthy and normal with food!?!??!?!?!?!?!
And a voice piped up in my head that said one word: Nothing.
It’s the closest thing I can imagine to God talking.
And it was absolutely the voice of intuition. It was very different from the worried voice that was spiraling on about food and how my legs were fat.
This answer, “Nothing“, didn’t mean that I should keep on doing what I was doing. Nooooo. What I was doing was miserable, obsessive, self-hating, and disordered.
It just meant that the art of doing nothing was the answer.
It meant: “You’re Fine. Why are you insisting on being so miserable?”
Stop making food an epic thing.
Stop making this so damn hard.
But guess what? I didn’t take my intuition’s advice. I didn’t know how.
I had so far to go. I had so many more things to learn. And actually, apparently, I hadn’t become miserable enough. I still needed to learn so much more about what didn’t work.
I tried intuitive eating many many times. I always knew that had to be the answer. And I would “succeed” at it. I would feel temporarily cured. But it ALWAYS ended up in another binge or another diet.
A few years after my leg shaving moment, after trying to be normal with food and failing for so many years, I had a new epiphany.
Oh… it’s all because of weight.
It was my completely disordered, fearful, controlling relationship to weight that would continue to stand in my way of eating normally.
Going through your life trying to eat the smallest amount possible doesn’t make any sense, biologically or otherwise.
I realized that I was never going to be normal with food—and I was never even going to be happy—until I stopped trying to control my weight, and instead chose to accept myself wherever it fell.
This was essential. This was the start of my real life recovery, and led to me starting my site, The Fuck It Diet.
Next came lots of research about health, metabolism, fat acceptance movement, learned beauty standards, and Health at Every Size.
Next came lots of eating, lots of fear, and lots of challenging myself and my fearful way of looking at the world and my body and worth.
Next came lots of writing, thinking, growing, letting go, speaking up, learning to value myself for more than just whether or not I thought I looked “good”.
Next came a way, way, way better, fuller, more vibrant life, in a bigger sized jeans, and bigger bras.
And it’s so so worth it.
Thanks for the great insight, Caroline! And for more awesomeness from Caroline, don’t miss this week’s podcast episode: