Note: This post originally appeared as a guest blog post written by me for Maddy Moon’s blog. It’s been about a year, and the conversation seems to be coming back around again to the question of what “truly recovered” looks like. I thought it might be time to revisit this post:
It took 13 years for me to be diagnosed with anorexia/eating disorder not otherwise specified, because for about 99.5% of that time, I was displaying “healthy” behaviors.
I was the girl who ran once, if not twice, a day.
“I wish I had your willpower!”
I was the girl who ordered a salad without dressing when everyone else was getting pizza.
“You eat so healthy!”
I was the girl with a six pack (but no period).
“I wish I could look just like you.”
For most of my adult life, I had a subclinical/undiagnosed eating disorder—some jumbled up version of restrictive eating through orthorexia, exercise addiction, severe depression and OCD…and no one thought twice because strong is the new skinny, and you can’t see amenorrhea through someone’s abs.
People thought I was healthy. Commented on my health. Praised me for my health. Let me get away with becoming a personal trainer without so much as a question or comment. Women stopped me in the bathroom at the gym to ask me for tips on how to eat and exercise.
So many people do not get the chance to recover—fully recover—from their disordered eating and exercise, because our country has the most warped, jacked up idea about what “health” looks and feels like. In fact, some people don’t even know that they need to recover in the first place.
And while the internet is a great way to find resources to help you recover from disordered eating, exercise, or body image (you’re here reading this post, so you know that!), it’s also a great way to get caught in the dangerous trap I call “Recovered Enough.”
What is “Recovered Enough?”
To find out, read the rest of my post over at Maddy’s blog.
And if you’re still trapped in the gray area of recovered enough, where letting go of your “fit” or “healthy” identity doesn’t feel like an option–but is also holding you back from Discovery, consider getting on the interest list for my upcoming program. You can sign up to be the first to hear about launch here.